Finneas Dodger's Ensconcing Goggles

"Egads, Stimmons! What was that loud bang? And, why, your eyes! They're just steaming sockets! What happened, man?!"

"Oh, you know how it goes, sir. You're spending one moment looking into the beaker and postulating how much energy you can extract from a grain of Prometheum by dropping a splash of ether over it and accidentally let your wedding ring get in there and POP! Next thing you know everything's gone dark and you can taste purple. Give us a hand up, will you?

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!
With Finneas Dodger's Ensconcing Goggles you can safely protect your eyes from all forms of gasses (from mustard to dijon!) intensely bright light such as those of a corpuscular explosion of observing the angered face of God, or simply prevent others from observing your lack of testicular fortitude when you weep at the sight of your wife after they have passed from consumption during a round of social croquet on The Greens.

Lastly, we are aware that the slaughter of animals is an uncouth subject, so do rest assured that this product is cruelty free as it uses a fine simulacra of leather made from many different urethanes.